


Fire, Ashes and Sugar

by huntressforgedinfire



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, post mockingjay - Fandom
Genre: A LOT of Angst, F/M, Gen, Mockingjay Spoilers, PTSD, mentions of deaths
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2015-05-04
Packaged: 2018-03-28 22:48:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3872653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/huntressforgedinfire/pseuds/huntressforgedinfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Katniss Everdeen voted yes for a games designed for the Capitol children to participate in. That was before she assassinated President Coin. When confronted by the new president, Paylor, will she retract the vote or will Panem witness another televvised blood sport?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fire, Ashes and Sugar

_'Goodnight'_

The days drag and stretch into a series of greys and whites. The bright lights bleed into grey walls as she awaits the inevitable morphine overdose. She watches her addiction drip and drip and drip. But death never comes, not for her anyway.

The only thing that visits her is her nightmares. They fill her sleep with ashes, death, and fire. They plague her waking moments with hysteria and regret that leaves the taste of ashes in her mouth. There are days when she loses her concept of reality, the nightmares leeching into her eyes and filling them with a burning sister, a pile of the dead, grey eyes and the smell of roses.

Haymitch comes. " _We're going home._ " She want to scream. Claw his eyes out. Home was where Prim was. Now that she's dead, home no longer existed. She wants to cry and beat it to his alcohol ridden brain that her home was surrounded by fire and scattered to pieces. Fire that she unknowingly started. Prim ended the way the Mockingjay began, surrounded by destruction, chaos, and fire. That's when the taste of ashes corrupts her tongue and she has the need to vomit. In the end, she lacks the fire to lash out.

_'Why can't they just kill me? I have no remorse in killing Coin. She killed the only thing I am sure that I love. My sister. My little duck. I was never the forgiving type anyway.' She_  felt burning electric rage that frayed her nerves into aiming the arrow to Coin instead of Snow return once more. After the arrow lodges into Coin, right between her eyes, she watched her body plunge of the balcony then the numbness took over. Her body took matters to its own accord and reached for the nightlock pill. Her revenge was finally carried out. She had no more reason to stay, to fight.

Peeta intercepted. She lives. Her sister is still dead. She wishes she was dead. 

District 12 feels strange. She often hallucinates, preferring to relive memories than face an empty house. She sees her sister standing by the table with her untucked blouse crushing herbs into medicine. Madge opening the backdoor of her house to buy her strawberries. Her mother home with her. Then reality hits her in the chest, she is alone, standing next to the table where she saw Prim inject Gale with morphine, with tears pooling in her eyes and a dying whisper. ' _Tuck in your tail, little duck_ '. Then she sees nothing but a burned down Justice Hall while holding a fresh batch of strawberries with no Madge to give them to. And then she remembers that her mother could no longer stand to be in District 12, could no longer stand to be with her.

Leaving District 12 is her mother's coping mechanism. She understands that now. When she found out that she left her without saying goodbye she felt that familiar loathing embed itself into her heart. Did she hate her or did she hate herself? Maybe it was both. She needed her mother. She needed a mother to soothe the burns and heal the scars. The hole in her heart is still void, no matter how many primroses Peeta plants into the ground.

There are still nights when her nightmares bury her in ashes. The taste of ashes still lingers in her mouth like a bitter aftertaste. Peeta still grips the edge of the table when visions of mutts and altered memories play tricks on him. They both do their best to live as normal as we could. He bakes. She hunt.

Today is one of her better days. She went hunting and came back home with a handful of game. She gave half to Greasy Sae, she no longer ask for anything in return, a sign of gratitude and thanks for taking care of her when she first came back to District 12. The other half she skins and cooks.

Now, Katniss is perched on the sofa watching segments of coverage across Panem with a sugar cookie between her lips. The dam in district 5 has been recently repaired and is now generating power evenly across of the whole of Panem the tv anchor reports with a jovial smile. She goes for the knife she keeps on her waist.

"Miss Everdeen" Paylor comes into view and her hand goes limp. 

"How have you been?" Katniss shrugs, her attention fleeting and wavering. Peeta enters the room with a tray of cookies and mint tea. He exchanges pleasantries with Paylor and leaves the room muttering something about cakes and Effie's birthday. A segment showing Capitol comes on and shows children in school studying and playing. Capitol children. The camera focuses on a little girl with brown hair and blue eyes. She's reaching for a book. Katniss' eyes catch a small detail that makes her throat dry and chest ache. The little girl's blouse becomes untucked in the process of reaching for the book. ' _Tuck in your tail, little duck_.'

"I won't waste any more of your time." She wanted to laugh. She has nothing but time. Her eyes focus on the newly elected president.

"When President Coin was still in power, you voted yes for the Capitol games." Clanging cutlery echo from the kitchen followed by a string of apologies. " _B_ ut now that President Coin is..." _dead_ "no longer in power." Dead eyes regain dangerous sparks and vicious lips forms into a snarl "I know, I killed her. Cut the bullshit _._ "

"I am verifying whether you still stand by your vote." Her eyes flit between Paylor and the screen. Is she willing to subject generations and generations of children to mindless murder? Will she be held responsible for more deaths?

The games led her here, a life without her sister and countless nightmares. Anger and bitterness still churns and burns her insides, screaming for a dead sister. The revolution that she led was like wildfire. It burned everything and anything to the ground.

 A rainforest grows after the devastation of a wildfire but the grounds stays burned and black. The world is rebuilding itself whilst she stay in mourning.

Out there, there is a mother, a father, a sister, a brother wishing their loved ones safe. They'll go through hell and back to protect those who they love. Just like she did. She knows how it feels to have your heart ripped out of your chest, spending days and days trying to mend it. But to no avail.

A feeling she haven't felt for a long time worms its way through her heart. _Compassion_. Prim's death will not be paid with innocent blood. She will never approve of it.

_"_ No, I revoke my vote." Adults knew the consequences of their actions, children almost always pay for them. She led the revolution to stop the Hunger Games. Reverting back to those games would mean that her sister died in vain. She was angry when she voted yes, blinded by a burning sister and furious rage. She can think a little more clearly now. Bringing the games back will do nothing but render every life sacrificed for the revolution was worthless. Prim's death would be meaningless and she cannot allow for that to happen.

"We've had enough unnecessary deaths." Paylor agrees and stands to leave.

"I see that you've developed a taste for sweet things." gesturing at the plate brimming with frosted cookies.

"They do a good job of covering the taste of ashes." Katniss mumbles before taking a bite of her cookie. Her scars are healing yet the ache in chest still grows gaunt and hungry everyday. She's not optimistic enough to hope for a full recovery. She leaves that job for Effie. She's just hoping for the day to come when primroses bring memories of a sister who saw the best in everyone and cared too much for that damned cat and not a sister who died too young in a war she started.

**Author's Note:**

> I truly think that Katniss revoked her vote when Paylor came to power. Katniss is not a forgiving person but I like to think she does not approve of killing children who are merely affiliated with fully aware adults who she considered vile and evil. Comment below if you have any opinion on this as I'm always interested seeing a story and a character through somebody else's eyes.


End file.
